"Random" Post 1

The Paradox of Birthdays

Although my birthday was back in March, the thought of what my birthday means to me continues to come up in my head. Since I turned 20 this past spring, I have been thinking deeply about the idea of getting older, and specifically the emphasis that I tend to place on milestones like birthdays. Birthdays are important for obvious reasons. They are symbols of all of the time that we have spent on this Earth and an opportunity to celebrate and honor the life that we have been blessed to have. 

Sometimes, though, we place more emphasis on the celebration and the more superficial aspects of birthdays than the actual reason for celebrating them in the first place. We will even give them meaning and power that is completely unrelated to the purpose of celebrating life. I often find myself using my Birthday not as a point of reflection, but rather an opportunity to forget about the past and look toward the future. This may seem refreshing to always have a fresh start every year, and it is. But, this doesn't always offer us the time to really appreciate all that we have been through. 

As my birthday approaches, my expectations always seem to rise about what will happen once I turn ages. I feel that as soon as my birthday passes, I will be a completely different person and each of the opportunities I have been looking for will come. Even if I am given the most loving attention and amazing gifts, I still always seem to end up crying. I don’t even know what I’m sad about, I just am. It’s a strange paradox. On a day that I am supposed to be excited and grateful for the life that I have lived, I end up feeling sad. I think this is because I get caught in a cycle of having great expectations about what certain ages will bring.

It’s overwhelming to have a day dedicated to your existence. all about you. Achieving certain things at certain points in our lives. I look back on the times I remember thinking about other 20 year old and remarking how old and established they are. I see images of other people doing certain things at that age and I set out to be like them by the time I am that age. But this is kind of a toxic mindset.  One thing I think is a reason why we do place such emphasis on days like this is because they allow us new beginnings. We constantly feel that we need to be perfect at all times so days like birthdays allow us to restart. We use them as opportunities to star over and be better than the last years. As if being a new age erases all of our past traumas. Like New Years, new us. It’s a special time because we have a new slate, set new expectations for ourself, careers goals, and behaviors. Images in our mind that by 23 we will have all of this stuff. We continue to change yet we still stay the same. We still want to cry like we are 6 and blush like we are 16, etc.  as we age we become more in tune with ourselves, more conscious. More experienced. We are so eager to get things over with and move on, yet it’s. Maybe it’s because of what it represents. It gives us indication of who we are as people. A chance to stop and reflect. We experience things in our lives. Life is an evolution and that we just keep growing. 

Now I try to see theas times to reflect rather than to erase, because things stay with us. We must confront our demons and toxic behaviors so that we can move aon and they don’t affect us  or anyone else later on.